Rapidly rising star Parson James (formerly known as Ashton Parson) will be slaying all y’all at 830pm tonight at Rockwood Music Hall.

WWSD?  (What would Selena do?)  She would be there.  And so should you.

In case you’re wondering… G.B.F. = “gay best friend.”

Not so random side note: my friend Paul Iacono stars in a film entitled G.B.F. and he plays the fabulously hilarious Brent Van Camp.  G.B.F. recently debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival and was directed by Darren Stein of Jawbreaker.  It’s EFFING FEROSHBALLS.  If you haven’t seen it, please add this movie to your to-do list.  And if you have, good for you, add it again.

WEARING // vintage white leather jacket, Uniqlo dress, Dr. Martens boots, sunglasses via In God We Trust

Colby Makeup WEARING // Jeremy Scott x Adidas Gold jacket (as seen on Britney Spears in will.i.am’s “Scream and Shout” remix), Alexander Wang bag, Converse kicks

Max Ryder WEARING // studs + spikes + black as always

Watch the trailer for G.B.F. hurr:

Fast forward to the present.

Just when I thought I was catching up and finally entering IT GIRL status, that betch Lindsay took FETCH to a new level.  Not only is she riding off into the CA Westhampton Beach sunset on her unicorn next month, she made it a point to attend the cool kid mega festival Coachella right before.

me: ‘Hey girl.  How’s it going?’

L: ‘It’s fetch.’

me: ‘How was court?’

L: ‘NBD.  I’m doing rehab in May, and Palm Springs/Coachella in April.  The judge was like whatever.’

Thus, the following is what Cady Heron wore to prom Coachella.

1.  I’m not really sure what’s going on here, but Lilo’s lips look fantastic.  Her face screams ‘My plastic surgeon brings all the boys to the yard biatch.’  #ducklips  #everything

This is Cady wearing essentially the same outfit with some added flair.  The blazer says it all.  Spring has sprung, and pastels are in ladies!

2.  The top half of this outfit is absolute perfection.  YES HAIR.  YES LACE.  YES EYELINER.  (I say this with no sarcasm whatsoever.)

The bottom half of this outfit disgusts me.  REALLY LINDSAY?!  LITAS?!  You are not a basic bitch.  Don’t dress like one because Regina George will cut you.  (In case you do not know what LITAS are click this link.  Every blogger and their mother has a pair of Jeffrey Campbell Litas.  They are the absolute definition of BASIC.)

3.  Last, but not least, this is my favorite Lindsay Lohan Coachella 2013 outfit – the good ole crop top with cutoffs!

Talk about versatility!

I’m so excited to see what Coachella 2014 brings! Or dare I say, weekend two?!

Let’s talk about my third favorite F word, FACE.  Once upon a time, not long ago, when the weather was consistently 30 degrees, I discovered an enchanted food establishment called PIE FACE.  This place is open 24 hours, and they serve both sweet and savory goodies.  (I still love you, but kindly move over Tuck Shop.  Pie Face has got free wifi and ample room biatch!)

HELLO AUSTRALIAN MEAT PIES.  No no.  Not THOSE meat pies.  The kind you can actually lick, savor, and swallow.  Great, now I’m digging myself into a ginormous hole.  You get the idea.  ;)

#OffensiveFashion: Pants that hang off your ass are never ok.  Take note JB. 

Beware of certain stores (as shown below) in the “Fashion District.”  I assure you that you can find a prom dress elsewhere.

WEARING // Proenza Schouler for Target sweatshirt, H&M pants, Converse sneakers, vintage Gucci bag, ShopBop rabbit fur neckscarf, Target sunglasses

Photos by Gavin Christopher.

Allow me to preface the previous and the following statements by spilling my heart, and by saying that I am a born and bred California girl.  I piss glitter, I shit sunshine, and if my diet could consist of green juice + tacos alone, it would.  I love NYC, but at the core of my being, I yearn for the beach, for IN-N-OUT, and for a city with beautiful yet trashy plastic people, mediocre standards of dress, traffic, and bottoms who think they’re tops.  I yearn for La La Land.

I don’t know of any other major (and I mean Rachel Zoe may-jorrr) city whose Tuesday night party can rival that of WestGay’s, homo or hetero!  (If you do, please tell me!  Suggestions are more than welcome.)  Sorry I’m not sorry, but definitely not West Hollywood.  As descendants of the original Club Kids, NY-ers just know how to party, and they won’t stop just because the sun rises.  I must also point out, that WestGay attracts not only the weird fashion kids, the drag queens and the circuit boys, but the gaybros and the twinks as well.  This is quite the uncommon combination in West Hollywood.  It just doesn’t happen.  Everyone is a gaybro.  Blame it on the Hollywood entertainment industry and the need to be ‘straight-acting,’ but it’s nice to have some flaaayvah.  I’ve expressed my fair share of negative remarks about New York, but at the end of the day, I can wholeheartedly say that I have never, in my life, lived in a place where people are so proud and open to truly be themselves, and not.  give.  a.  fuck.  :) 

Cue the visuals.  

All photos by Santiago Felipe.

Yes that is a unicorn.

Yes that is a unicorn photobombing Sharon Needles and Jinkx Monsoon.

I have no idea who this chick is, but I dig the crimped hair.

This is my friend Gavin Grymes.  He’s a hot man + jewelry designer.  Check out ByTheForgery for some dope ass bling.

Yes that is a unicorn getting humped.

Yes this person has toilet shades.

I was WEARING a definite 90s inspired outfit // vintage black leather backpack, American Apparel tights, Target Kelly Kapowski tshirt, Forever21 denim shorts + leopard print sweater, week long faded Manic Panic cotton candy pink hair color

Until next Tuesday.  It’s been more than real WestGay.

Love, Vee

PS. Reza of Shahs of Sunset was also in attendance.  Unlike his loud + boisterous television ‘reality’ character he actually seemed pretty quiet + super nice.  According to a source all the Bravo ‘celebrities’ are in town for some special Bravo party.

Ingredients: 

a few Q-Tips

1 can of AQUA NET
(Go straight BANJEE.  None of that fancy stuff.)

1 Gay Boy, preferably fashion forward with nimble fingers

1 Brush, optional for drag queen-esque volume

(The sickly talented Colby Makeup just so happened to be nearby.  What a coincidence!  Colby’s specialty is beating face, but his homosexual tendencies assist with hair magic.  This week alone he helped make IconaPop + Kate Nash look purrrdy.)

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Make small meatball style buns all over the head, wrapping the hair tightly around the q-tip.  Make sure your gay boy flexes his arm as he works to ensure that they continue to look great in a skank tank.

2. Get your AQUA NET on.

3. BLOW DRY (for fast results) or air dry for hours.  Continue to flex.

4. Unroll and jooj.  Don’t be afraid to get down and dirty with your hands.

5. Give face.

BOOM! For the icing on the cake, get your super talented photographer boyfriend, Gavin Christopher, to engage in an impromptu photoshoot with perfect lighting.

Vee | hair + makeup by Colby Makeup, vintage Mickey sweatshirt via Goodwill
Colby | UNIF skank tank

I honestly believe that Amanda is actually quite on top of her trends.  Girl knows what’s in, but is merely having more than a few issues with styling, and putting thangs together.  Let’s check out this actress-turned-singer-turned-fashion designer’s Twitter/Instagram pics and see what’s up.

1. Nail Art 

Nail art is no longer limited to hip hop betches, pop stars, and drag queens.  This ish is all over the runways!  Salons like Valley + Sakura, dedicated almost solely to nail art, are biweekly destinations for the city’s fabulous IT girls and boys.

YES: Bynes was spot on using a pretty pastel pink base and a glitter overlay.  Reverse french nails are SO in.

NO: Talons are not cute.  Only Gaga can truly pull them off, and even then they’re questionable.  For a practical + ever chic look, Bynes should have gone with a short + square natural nail.

2. Denim on Denim

Everyone and their mother, and their gay bff, and their mother, is talking about the revival of 90s trends.  VeeSaidSheSaid called that ish back in October 2012!  Amanda Bynes probably reads VSSS because she knows that Denim on Denim is #trending.  Duh.

YES: That vintage-looking denim jacket is everything, and white denim bottoms are SO correct.

NO: Although coral is “in,” this outfit should not have been paired with coral heels, nor with what appears to be faux fur.  Gasp!  Black leather boots, and a more simplistic upper half could have done wonders.  Later Wet Seal.  BYEsies!

3. Floral Print

Let’s be real.  That’s a nice pair of boobs if I ever saw one.  However ladies, you can exude sex appeal without spilling your rack on the floor.  Leave some things to the imagination for god sakes.

YES: Whether ya like it or not, floral print will be seen in every way, shape, and form this spring/summer.  You called it Amanda!  Way to be on top of those trends!

NO: There’s a lot going on here.  Everyone knows they make those bustiers for girls with mosquito bumps.  Women with lovely lady lumps (myself included) should stay away from bustiers, unless they actually have a flattering and wearable fit.  Amanda should have nixed the blue short sleeve and gone with a sheer floral print button down, or better yet a floral print dress!  Anything but the bustier!

In closing, I send you lots of love Amanda Bynes.  Let me know if you ever need a stylist, a party companion, or someone to help you f*ck bitches and get money.  I can do all of the above.  Sincerely, VeeSaidSheSaid

Are you gay?  Do you have gay friends?  If you answered yes to either/both of those questions, or even if you’re just a rainbow enthusiast, then you qualify for STIFF!  Twinkalicious Max Ryder and I are hosting an event this Friday that you should attend!

A porn star and yoga are probably two things that you never would have put together. FYI, yoga is a non discriminative practice, and even those in the adult entertainment bizz need to let loose, free their mind, and get their sweat on.  (It probably helps that one of Max Ryder‘s best friends is a bikram yoga instructor. Ahem. ;)

Get your pre-club workout on and come to STIFF this Friday 3/29 at 8pm at Bikram Yoga Herald Square (35th + Broadway)!  Also, a great opportunity to get rid of those toxins from Miami and/or Black Party Weekend.  (Yes, I’m talking to you boys.)  STIFF is FREE, and there will be plenty of beautiful people wearing practically no clothes.  Post class organic cocktails provided by JuiceWell to follow!  Detox to retox baby.  I mean, what more can you ask for?

Alright alright, we couldn’t get Adam Levine to attend, but here are some photos of him + some other hotties that practice yoga (like the Beckhams) doing yoga/just posing to make up for that.

See you at STIFF! Don’t forget your short shorts!

Jessi Malay (born Jessica Allison Megan Fried) is hot, talented, and 1/2 Filipino.  Quite the deadly combination if you ask me.  (Yes I too am Filipino.  Yes I am biased towards other Filipinos.  I mean, we’re the best.  #justsayin) 

Malay has a college degree from UCLA.  She’s been twerking dancing since age 2, and professionally performing since age 8.  She’s had contracts with Jive and Warner Bros, and was a member of the girl group, No Secrets.  (You might remember the early 2000s song ‘That’s What Girls Do.’  Kristina Harutoonian, I know YOU do.)  

Fast forward to the present, and Malay is doing things her own way.  Her future booty shakin club hit “BOUGIE” just hit West Coast radio, and I had the awesome opportunity to chat with my fellow fierce + fabulous Filipina before her East Coast tour.

In case you’re wondering…

According to Urban Dictionary, BOUGIE (adj) is defined as:

Anything that is percieved as “upscale” from a blue-collar point of view. ‘Bougie’ (pronounced boo’-she) is a hacked truncation of the word Bourgeoisie, which refers to the middle-class in Europe, but refers to a more affluent class level in the United States.

Q+A with Jessi Malay

Zodiac sign: Leo

Hometown: Los Angeles, California

Favorite Song of All Time: IF by Janet Jackson, sexy and hardcore at the same time…incredible production!

Favorite color: Cerulean blue, but I love to wear black and white.

NSync or BSB: NSync for SURE!!!!  GONE???  Not even a question…

Favorite Spice Girl: Such a tough question… style wise Posh Spice, but for personality, I loved Scary and Baby Spice!

I know how much Filipino families force karaoke.  When did you first start singing?          
I started singing as soon as I could talk, but semi-professionally when I joined a performing group called Kidpower.  I played Shirley Temple (a very tan version…lol) and we toured Disney World, The Big Red Boat Cruise, and the Bahamas, when I was 8 years old.

When did you know that you wanted to sing for a living?
When I was 12 years old, I auditioned for a girl pop band, but turned down the opportunity because I didn’t want to have to leave school and my friends.  Two years later, that group got signed by P. Diddy at Bad Boy, and they released a single called “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not,” that shot to the top of the charts.  I completely regretted not taking the opportunity, especially because by that point, I knew performing, singing and dancing was what I wanted to do professionally.

I prayed another opportunity would come my way and soon thereafter my friend told me about this new group she was auditioning for.  We were both asked to be a part of the 5 girl pop band we named “No Secrets” and got signed to Jive Records almost immediately.

Advice for aspiring artists?

Practice your craft everyday.  Talents are a gift but if they’re not used and taken care of, they grow rusty…

I think it’s important as an artist to find extracurricular passions…ANYTHING from dancing, fashion, nail art, etc., to cooking, watching indie films, taking classes at your local JC, skydiving, or venturing into other business opportunities.  Outside passions always inspire your art and also help keep things in perspective.

Ultimate dream as an artist?

What I love most about music is that it can provide specific memories for certain times in your life…

…Like the first time you fell in love, I guarantee there was a specific album or song you were listening to, and every time you hear it, it transports you right back to that feeling…To make an album/body of work that does THAT for people is my ultimate goal.

Performing in stadiums for 20,000+ people is pretty up there too LOL!  What can I say…I’m a ham!

Closing statements:  Follow Jessi on TWITTER + FB!  

And be sure to check her out in NYC this Sunday, March 10 at GRIFFIN.  (Click that link for more info!)  She’s guaranteed to make that booty go POP.

Let’s start with commentary from the sassy gay man. 

THE BOTTOM 5 by David Navarro McDonald

I think a common mistake made on the red carpet this year was tits; tits under the armpits, tits to your knees, or tits wobbling to and fro.  Most of these looks are having tit-sasters.  I don’t know what it’s like to have tits, ladies, but I imagine they’re the male version of testicles, or, chesticles.  You have to give them some love, just not shove them into some fabric and hope that it turns out ok.

5. Fan Bing-Bing

No no no! Your dress is wrinkled and your tits look like a bad origami heart that I tried to make in grade school. (I should have known.)

4. Anne Hathaway (Prada)

Anne, let’s chat.  Like Jennifer Lawrence, you were just swinging by the ceremony to pick up your gold swag.  This award was in the bag for you.  Why oh why did you drop the ball on one occasion where you will probably be photographed the most?  I know your hair is at an awkward length since you went all French Prostitute Chic, but dammit, couldn’t you have kept it short and cute for the occasion?  It’ll grow after the Academy Awards too, I promise.  Necklace doesn’t work with that dress; too many things happening around your neck. Obviously, your tits are all wrong.

2. Melissa McCarthy (David Meister)

BIG GIRLS, you do not need to dress like this. There are fitted bed sheets from Target that would look better than this grey atrocity.  This is a moment where you show what you got, i.e., tits. P.S. Real Housewives Hair

1. Kristen Stewart (Reem Acra)

I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a celebrity to shower before they go to the Academy Awards.

THE BOTTOM 5 by Veronica Lombo

5. Salma Hayek (Alexander McQueen)

I must ask a simple question: Is that a bedazzled neck brace?

4. Rachel Mwanza 

Um, was there a flamenco dance performance that I didn’t know about?

3. Helena Bonham Carter (Vivienne Westwood)

Dear Helena, I applaud your dedication to playing Bellatrix, but don’t you think it’s time to step out of character?  The last film in the Harry Potter series was released in 2011.  Just FYI.

2. Zoe Saldana (please see the above photo)

This looks like something purchased on the streets of downtown LA or downtown Santa Ana.  Zoe, this is the Academy Awards, not Tia Rosario’s daughter’s quinceañera.  Dios mio.

1. Kristen Stewart

Dear KStew, Although I do want to try whatever drugs you were on, I think it might be a good idea to stick to marijuana and alcohol prior to a televised event.  As with Helena, I applaud your dedication to playing Bella Swan, but I think the whole vampire thing has gone to your head.  Your eyes are blood shot and crazy looking, but you are not sparkling in the sunlight.

Thoughts?  Do you agree/disagree?  Do you want to try KStew’s drugs too?